HATERS!!

OMG!! Sometimes I ask myself, "why must there be haters in the world?" I mean, why can't everyone just be normal and be happy for someone's success, beauty, etc. I understand it's human nature to have some sort of jealousy. But, to let that jealousy lead to being ENVIOUS and just plain HATEROUS is absolutely ridiculous. I have a situation right now where an associate is always being not rude, but facicious and I know it's nothing but HATE. Believe me, I'm not conceited in the least bit, but everyone knows if they're being hated on. It's happened to EVERYONE at least once or twice in their lives. I just can't take it!! I don't now if I should just snap and go off. If I don't do something soon, it's going to lead to that. It's not good to let things bottle up inside of you. Because, that's when it leads to disastrous response. Maybe, I should just go ahead and let this person know what the deal is. I'm definitely not the type to start trouble and I don't like conflict. But, one thing I can't do is continue to keep quiet. HEEELP!! I already need anger management and I don't need anymore legal problems (trust me). Don't people know is one of the Ten Commandments... THOU SHALL NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR'S WIFE!!! And other things of course.

HURTING HEART

I just wanted to write a blog about the 16 year old boy who was murdered by hoodlums fighting in the streets of Chicago. I CANNOT believe that today's youth is sooooo ruthless. My heart goes out to the young Derrion Albert's family. I have a six year old son, and I cannot begin to imagine the pain of losing a youngster. It DOESN'T make sense that a student, honor roll at that, can't walk to the bus stop without worrying about being assaulted. Or even making home for that matter. The world is becoming a disgusting place. Teens killing INNOCENT kids. If they want to F*#$ up their lives, do it without involving the few DECENT kids that are left. I hope they do have the right people and I hope they get LIFE!!!! They don't even deserve to get the death penalty. I hope the image of that INNOCENT kid haunts them for the rest of their disgusting lives. They are no good, rotten, disgusting, worthless, little pieces of S*#$!! I don't give a damn how young they are. They were old enough to bring death upon a that poor child. They are old enough to get their ASSES beat in prison. And then become someone's "playmate". It really tears me up that our BLACK youth is acting in such a matter. It's just pathetic. There aren't even enough words to explain how I feel, and I don't even know the victim. It's just a shame, an OUTRAGE. Again, I'd like to send condolences to the family and friends of Derrion. My prayers will definitley be with you all.

FAILED ATTEMPT

I'm SOOOOO pissed at myslef. I went several days without taking a puff. All of a sudden I just had to smoke. The crazy thing about it is that I wasn't even craving at the time. It just took over my body. AGAIN. Whatever. I just feel like a failure. Oh well, they say that the first FEW times are most likely not going to work. I thught I was the exception!! Don't we all. LOL. I'm just totally outdone. I'll try again. And again. And again. Until I get it right. Pray for me.

LOST COUNT

Well, I'm on the unteenth day of living as a non-smoker. It seems like the cravings are less frequent, but more powerful. I don't know, maybe I'm trippin. But, I do feel 100x's better. I feel more energized and ready to go. I don't sleep as long and I don't feel sleepy all the time. That could have something to do with my drinkning habits as well. LOL. I stopped drinking so much too. Very proud of myself. I do feel like I am going to give in any moment though. It's so hard to believe that it is this difficult to quit. Now, that I told everyone, I feel like I HAVE to do it now. You know what I mean?? I have given myself several tests, too. I've drank, drove, and other triggers too. I haven't touched a square. I just have to remember that it's not over. I feel my mind drifting back to the way I feel when I hit a square. OMG! I NEED TO STOP!!!
WHOOO SAAAAAA!!!

ROAD 2 RECOVERY

I am officially smoke free for two days!! YEA!! I must admit, I never imagined that it would be this difficult. And I almost failed... For real! I'm currently in the process of moving. Yeseterday I was off work, so I began the day early. I woke up and felt GREAT! I haven't gotten up feeling like that in years. I honestly think it had something to do with my habit. Anyway, I went through the day stressing and wanting to smoke soooo bad . But somehow I resisted the urge!! Today, I ALMOST LOST IT!!! OMG! First, one of my couches refuses to fit through my front door, then the Uhaul came out to be more expensive than I thought, then my stupid car wants to shut off everytime I put my foot on the brake. Now, the car usually stays on if I put my a/c on, but it wouldn't stay on AT ALL!! I really, really, really can not express how BAD i wanted it. I'm honestly surprised at myself for not surrendering to nicotine's power. Then, all of a sudden, it seemed like everything began to work out. After the unyeilding urge to smoke passed, it made everything better. Seriously, my car all of a sudden stopped acting up ( antifreeze was low), the couch still isn't in the house, but I'm not really worried about it. I think that was Satan trying me. Luckily, my cravings are getting a little better to handle. I'm going to really try hard not to smoke again. Please pray for me. Day 2 of recovery.

My Addiction

Hi everyone. It's been a while since my last blog, but I've been slacking on pretty much everything. SORRY! Anyway, recently I'd come down with a severe cold OUT OF NOWHERE! I was fine Sunday, September 6th. Then Monday I woke up with the COLD FROM HELL!! You know how you can kinda feel an ailment coming on?? Well, somehow I skipped that part. Anyway, it got to the point where I couldn't breathe... AT ALL!! I seriously thought I was going to have to go the doctor. It felt like my lungs were collapsing. So, during this time I did not smoke. The breathing problems still linger, however I did smoke 3 cigarettes today. It didn't make me feel good at all, as you probably can imagine. I couldn't even hit them normally. So, I've decided to give the whole quitting thing a try. I mean, when i came up with the idea, I considered how much money I actually waste on cigarettes. Check it out; I average a pack a day at 6 bucks a day. That's $42 a week. Which comes up to $84 bi-weekly. Which is the equivalent to $168 a month!! WTF AM I THINKING!!!??? Okay, I ain't broke, but that's a lot of cash to go up in smoke, if you get what I saying. That's ridiculous. That's two of my car note payments in a month. Maybe that's why it's always late. LOL. Is it really worth it?? I'm going to try my hardest to stop. It's sooooo hard though. Last time I quit when I was prego because I was prego. I had to choose between my baby and squares... Not at all a hard decision. But now, I'm not, so it's F*&^%$# hard!!! Now the two days I didn't weren't hard cause I couldn't breathe. I feel waaay better and I'm ready to get back into the swing of things. I'm actually fiending right now thinking about it. AAAAHHH!!! I can do it. I know I can. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

MY POOR KITTY

Do you know how it feels to have a pet that you love like one of your kids? If so, you'll feel my pain. A few days ago I noticed that one of my two cats had been acting weird when he used his litter box. It seemed he would squat for an extended amount of time and just stare off into space. RED FLAG! This was my first cat, so I really don't know a lot about common feline ailes. Anyway, today, I witnessed my POOR BABY doing it again. My brother told me that Boots, my cat, had been doing it ALL DAY! So, on my way to work, I gave his vet a call and was told that he might have blockage in his urinal tract or better know as FLUTD. After I got off the phone with the vet, I just became soooooo depressed about my baby. I mean, I've had him since he was only 5 weeks. Here's our story: When I used to work at the place I call, "the hell hole", there were about 3 kittens abandoned in the parking lot of where I worked. After several attempts to trick, trap, and grab the feisty bunch, we finally got a hold of the black one with a white breast and white paws. I volunteered to keep him for the night and decided to call him Boots. After a night of hearing whining and meowing, I woke up exhausted. But, I could understand his fear of the unknown at such a young age. Anyway, knowing I wasn't supposed to have pets in my place of residence, I decided to take him to the local shelter so he could find a good home. However, the employees said they would immediately euthanize him because he was sick. I didn't take him in for nothing. So, I took my baby to the local vet and got meds and stuff for him. I was only going to keep him until the prescription was complete and he was well. I fell in love with the FUR BALL!! I just couldn't give him away anymore. Here we are going on the second year of his life. AAAWWWW!!! He'll be 2 in November. So, you see, we have history. I'm his one and only mommy and I will do whatever it takes to keep my baby around. We have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. Hope all goes well. Wish him luck, will ya??